What is the “best” way to parent? The answer varies depending on who you ask. I think one of the greatest way to raise a child is to lead by example. A child is born observing. We always see children trying to be like mommy or daddy by wearing their shoes or copying their behavior. Mommy and daddy are almost like superheroes when kids are younger and the kids want to be just like them. Children are learning how to behave from the way their parents behave. Parents can tell their kids to be kind to others, not to lie, not to curse, but if the kids see their parents doing all of these things, they will be more likely to follow their example rather than their empty words.

One of the best things a parent can do, especially as a child gets older, is to listen. Children are in need of a guardian and model. They need to know that they can place their trust in someone that truly cares for them. If a parent is always there to listen to their child and make them feel loved, the child will not go searching for this affection and sense of belonging elsewhere in a person or group that could harm or corrupt them.

I also think that encouragement is a huge part of parenting. If a parent only criticizes, the child will most likely become self -conscious and will have very little faith in their own abilities. If a parent encourages their child when they achieve something or encourages their child to achieve something, the child will be much more confident in their ability and potential. They can then become a much more developed, productive, and happy member of society.

I believe that being the person you want your child to be, listening to your child, and encouraging them to reach their potential is a great beginning to being the “best” parent you can be.

Between all three parenting options provided, the parenting style that I have been exposed to over my youth, and the one that I’m most familiar with, is helicopter parenting.  Looking at all the main types of parenting, there is not just one that is the perfect model for every family to follow.  Being a helicopter parent towards a naturally defiant child will probably cause more harm than good, rather than a child who is more laid back and quiet.  At times, parents can shift their options into any given parenting mode due to the current situation at hand.  If a child is doing poorly in school or has a lack of interest in extracurricular activities, the “tiger mom” would be the most likely stylistic approach to a child that’s lacking in his or her performance at school.  Or, if a child seems to be weary when an adult is in the room while they are on the computer, the “helicopter parent” approach would be taken very quickly, and all for good reasons to protect and observe their child’s online history and activities.  The “jellyfish dad” is the all too familiar stereotype that dads are the fun ones and are the ones to go to if you needed something, which I think is unfair to hardworking and more strict fathers.  From my personal experience, I find that the helicopter approach, when done in a healthy way, helps a child navigate through their adolescent years safely and allows them to approach things with knowledge and caution.   

When discussing how to approach parenting, many people may have different ideas of what good parents are. However, there’s only two types of parenting styles that people seem to agree with and execute.  You have the strict and controlling parents, and there’s also parents that are extremely relaxed when it comes to discipline and guiding their children.

I believe that both parenting styles should be combined to produced happy, healthy, and productive members of society. Parents should

Many people have heard of the ways that parenting can backfire such as tiger moms and the helicopter parents.  These concepts can work however tend to backfire at least in my eyes.  As we grow we adapt and change and I believe due to this parents need to change as well because grounding a seventeen year old for doing something they shouldn’t do isn’t going to produce the same results if the actions are done to a two year old.  Being able to adapt to your child’s needs and age can be a huge help.  The best example I can put to this is I can’t really follow a traditional approach with my son due to medical issues he has encountered in his life.  So the best parent is the one that is always able to change because no parenting style really works for everyone by itself you have to be an adaptable parent to be the best parent you can.

This week in psychology we are studying development, which is highly influenced by the parenting style that is used. In my opinion, parents should take a more relaxed stance unless the child starts causing an issue. If you just butt in to everything your child does and try to make them fit your needs, instead of letting them find themselves, then they may very likely grow to resent you. This resentment can lead to rebellion and they may become better at hiding things from you, which can lead to bigger problems then if you were more relaxed from the first place. Of course you can’t just let your kids to whatever, but it’s better not only on you, but on the kids, if you gently guide them in a good direction, then the kids will be allowed to make and learn from small mistakes, instead of hiding massive ones. I was raised in a house with relaxed parents, and I can’t see myself being raised any other way, because had I been with strict parents, parents who make me do what they want, or both, I would not be where I am today. My chill parents let me watch mature shows like “Dr. G: Medical Examiner” and “Untold Stories From the ER” at an early age, which allowed me to realize that I want to be a doctor at 8 years old, which has motivated me to do well ever since. Had I been with “helicopter” parents, I may have never found my passion for medicine, and may have been in an awful place right now. It’s important to teach your kids everything they need to know, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffocate them, it’s all about teaching things at the right time, and allowing kids to learn some things for themselves. 

What are the characteristics of an ideal parent? I don’t think any parent to be really knows what types of methods they are going to parent with. I think that as the kids grow older and change into their own person, the parenting style morphs into what is required for the child to grow up happy, healthy and a productive member of the society. Each child is different so each parenting style is different, but all parents want the best for their children so they try to teach them right from wrong and good from bad.

Some parenting techniques that I think work well include, the reward system, learning from mistakes, discipline in the needed circumstances, and the “like mommy/daddy do, the child does.” Of course, there are many others, these are just some of the main ones that I think would be beneficial for the child to grow up to be strong and independent! First, the reward system, I think that when the child is in their younger years giving them rewards for certain positive activities is a good way of reinforcing that they are moving in the right direction. For example, if a child is undergoing the process of potty training and they use the restroom in the toilet, they should be given a reward such as an M&M along with a positive affirmation. If the parent was just giving the child affirmation, maybe the child would not be able to completely comprehend, so, the candy is there to back-up the words and give them something positive that they can understand better. Second, learning from mistakes is a crucial part in growing up. I think this goes hand-in-hand with my third technique, discipline in needed circumstances, because if the child does not learn from a mistake that he/she had already made then discipline is crucial for them to understand that it is not okay to do whatever they did, and this is the last string so they should not do that again. Whatever form of discipline that the parents chooses based on what they think is right for the child, that particular act should not be done again. As the child grows older, I think that the discipline should get more strict since the child needs to become independent. I do believe there should be friendship between parent and child, but there should always be an understanding that the child should listen to the parent. Finally, “like mommy/daddy do, the child does,” this is something that I have noticed within my own family friends. Younger children watch their parents to see what they say and what activities they do, children like to mimic people who they look up to. So, the parent should always be on their best behavior because they are always being watched by the child who is ready to mimic everything they do.

As I mentioned earlier, there are endless techniques and styles for parenting children. Every parent is different and every child requires a different parenting method. At the end of of the day, every parent wants their children to grow up to be independent, healthy, and productive members of the society, they will do anything in their power to do exactly that!

One can find all kinds of different parenting styles across the various cultures of the world. With this being the case, I do not believe in there being a single ideal way to parent. In addition, every child is different; what may benefit one child may not promote the well-being of another (even if the other child is in the same family). On the other hand, I do think there should be (and maybe there are) some universal principles which can apply to all cultures:

First, parents should refrain from trying to replicate their own interests through their children. What I mean by this is children, especially adolescents, should never have to sacrifice their own self-development under the pressure of their parents’ hopes. When it comes to the image of the “Tiger mom,” it is not so much the behavior as it is the reason behind it which can serve major implications. Some of these moms simply treat their children with tough love out of wanting the best for them. Others are hard on their kids because they want them to pursue a dream which they (the parent) once had. I strongly disagree with this mindset because it shows how these parents are not only hard on their kids, but it shows how they are acting this way out of their own interest, not out of love. I am not saying that these types of parents do not love their children, but the attitude which they go about raising their children with is not the right attitude to have, especially with children and adolescents who are still learning the ways of the world and who are tying to figure out their own aspirations in life.

Second, parents should confront their own anxieties and love their children without dictating them. This point is meant to tie in with the previous one. Parents should exert control to further their child’s abilities, not to promote their own interests and defend their own superiority. Many parents wish for their children to live better lives than they once had; sometimes parents even try to make their children live an almost perfect life either because they grew up on the opposite spectrum from perfect or because they in fact grew up very fortunate. Whichever the case, I believe the pursuit of perfection gets in the way of the pursuit of happiness.

Finally, I believe parents should treat their children as their children. By this, I reject the concept of using wealth to buy the happiness and affection of the child and/or using wealth to make up for lost time spent with the child. If parents insist on engaging in this behavior, then how will their children be able to associate happiness, affection, time, and love without money? Using money to serve as the concrete form of such an abstract concept (happiness) will not result in a child who grows up to be happy. It may temporarily cause the child happiness, but in the end, they will be unable to dissociate happiness from money (which I believe is correlational, not causational). My final point with this principle has to do with parents playing the role of the child’s parent and not the role of friend. In my case, both of my parents grew up in very different cultures, but they both agreed that a parent is not a friend. On one hand, parents are a lot like friends in many ways. For example, both parents and friends offer a source of support and should want what is best for you. On the other hand, parents and friends have different ideas of what is best (and typically it is assumed that parents know better what is best over friends, as they are older and more experienced). In addition, parents are more of a permanent source of support because at the end of they day, friends come and go as you move through life; your parents should (and typically will) always defend you, no matter what petty argument you just had with them.

“You are not special,” David McCullough Jr. said in a commencement speak given for Wellesey High School’s 2012 graduation. He continues to counter the modern culture of commending children and adolescents for accomplishing what he considers to be goals dwarfed by the earth’s population and overarching span of our lives. To some, this may seem a caustic speech to give graduating seniors about to go off to college and challenge the world; however, to me, this is a striking image which I whole heartedly enjoy. His thesis, once you get down to it, is how we should always seize our opportunities as they present themselves because the “pursuit” in “pursuit of happiness” means action, and no one became remarkable for lazing about.

Still, one might question how this plays in the minds of the young adults he’s speaking to. Is it too harsh? I would say no. For one, adolescents enter a phenomena called adolescent egocentrism, defined as the state of believing the world is centered on their actions and how they go about their actions.  It is also called the personal fable, which gives it a sort of mythologic feel in the sense that these adolescents are making themselves out to be a Hercules. McCullough seeks to pull this out from under the feet of the graduate and instead urges them to seek their identity in the world, mirroring Erikson’s Stages of Psychological Development.

Divorce today to many is a tragic situation; families and children are split up and generally the word divorce comes with negative connotations. There are many articles out there that say that divorce has a bad effect on children, but there are just as many articles out there that say the exact opposite. To me, the media has always portrayed divorce as a awful thing. When I started researching over both sides of the topic, I was surprised to find the amount of articles saying that divorce has positive impacts on children.

An article written by Lauren Hansen called “9 negative effects divorce reportedly has on children,” talks about 9 different ways that children are affected with divorce. The 9 effects are: increased smoking habits, ritalin use, poor math and social skills, increased chance of sickness, increased chance of dropping out of school, more likely to commit a crime, higher risk of a stroke, greater chance of getting a divorce and lastly a possible early death. This evidence is definitely possible and can happen but now a days there are so many divorces that these effects, since they are on the extreme side of things, might not be as likely anymore. Children now a days are surrounded more and more with divorces, unfortunately in our society today it is almost a norm. Though these effects are all possible, how much it may affect each different child are all going to be different.

Another article called “Divorce and Kids: 5 ways divorce benefits kids,” written by Dr. Shoshana talks about different ways that divorce can be good for children. The first reason they talk about is, when a child see that each individual parent is happier this in turn will make the child happer. If the parents are always fighting that might lead to the child being unhappy as well. Secondly, when the tension in the house is gone that will make the environment less crazy and the kids will be able to function better. Third, kids need to know that every parent needs a supporting partner so the fact that the parent is showing them that they need a good partner is good. Fourth, having a shared custody the kids would be able to experience both sides of the parents without them fighting. Lastly, since the parents are not together anymore there is potential for the kids to witness happiness for the parent either being on their own or finding a new partner to be with.

All in all, these are the ways that kids can both benefit and not benefit from a divorce. In today’s society the norm for a divorce is that it is always such a bad thing but in reality it doesn’t really  have to be that way at all, there are many things that kids see that end up being a positive thing and end up being worth while in the end.

Work cited:

http://theweek.com/articles/466107/9-negative-effects-divorce-reportedly-children

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/18/divorce-and-kids-5-ways-d_n_1519485.html