Today, I’m going to be talking about the ever-unpleasant subject of divorce. Divorce rates have been decreasing over the past few years but approximately half of marriages still end in divorce so the effects of divorce on children is indeed an important and often controversial question. The consensus amongst most people is that divorce is detrimental to children and you would be hard pressed to find someone who entirely disagreed with that idea. The question then, is not so much “Does divorce negatively impact children,” so much as it is “How much does divorce negatively affect children?” In order to answer this question, I will be examining both sides of the argument regarding the effects of divorce on children.

First, I am going to lay out the reasons given by those who suggest that divorce is extremely detrimental to children, not only during the immediate proceedings of the divorce, but also for the rest of their lives. Most people who support this argument believe that, in the short-term, divorce has a myriad of detrimental effects on children depending on their age. Young children from 5-9 will often react with fear, anxiety, temper tantrums, and increased dependency on the parent that they live with. Preteens and teenagers will often react with anger, aggressive independence, isolation, and rebellion. These things, however, aren’t really disputed by anyone. What sets this argument apart is the idea that divorce can cause long lasting effects much later in life such as difficulty creating healthy, meaningful relationships, lack of trust, difficulty parenting, and lasting damage to the affected children’s relationship with their parents. People on this side of the argument will point to studies such as the one conducted by Judith Wallerstein in her book, “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study,” to say that children of divorce can suffer from various forms of mental illness such as depression in adulthood. This claim is dubious at best because this was a group of a little over a hundred case studies so the findings, while interesting, can not be applied to the general population. Furthermore, only approximately a quarter of the those involved in the studied suffered from long term mental illness. The two sources I used to in my perusal of this argument were “Divorce Hurts Children, Even Grown Ones,” by Jann Gumbiner and “The Effects of Divorce on Children,” from Divorce Source Inc. Gumbiner certainly seems to have done her research and is a licensed psychologist and professor specializing in adolescent and child development so I would say that she is credible. The only issue that I have with her article is that she seems to have a strong bias based on her own personal experience. These experiences should not be discounted but further evidence would be appreciated. Divorce Source Inc. is a website that is organized for the purpose of providing information and resources to those who are considering a divorce. I chose to use it as a source for this argument, despite its sole purpose being to assist those considering divorce, because it strongly encourages other options whenever children are involved unless extreme conflict or domestic abuse are involved.

People who oppose this view generally concede that divorce is indeed harmful at first, but within two years most children are able to bounce back fairly quickly. Typically, people of this persuasion think that any long-term problems that arise from divorce are not so much a result of the divorce itself so much as they are a symptom of improper handling of proceedings during and after the divorce. Otherwise, they agree with that there are usually negative behavioral changes in children following a divorce but that they fade with time and these people can go on to life regular lives. The sources I used for this side of the argument were “Is Divorce Bad for Children?” by Hal Arkowitz and Scott O. Lilienfeld and “The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents,” by Carl E. Pickhardt. I found both sources to be credible because they were written by professors of psychology and the gave information that was backed by other studies.

I personally am a child of two divorces and to be quite honest, I haven’t ever felt particularly strong about either of them. I still have an amicable relationship with both of my biological parents and I wasn’t sad to see my ex-stepfather leave. I do understand, however, that not everyone has such a smooth experience and so I think that divorce should be something of a last resort when children are involved but not so much that you put your own health, mental or physical.

Links to the articles I read in preparation for this post:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201112/the-impact-divorce-young-children-and-adolescents

http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/the-effects-of-divorce-on-children-239.shtml

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/jann-gumbiner-phd

What is a marriage divorce? By definition a divorce in a marriage is when people who are wedded to each other get unmarried. This is a sad occurrence because the individuals who had gotten married wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each and now they are separating. This is a hard experience, not only for the couple who are getting a divorced, but also for the children of these divorced couples who are dealing with a new set of problems and situations. How a divorce is played out and handled determines how these children are affected and turn out.

In a case where a divorce is carried out in an angry, harsh, and argument filled process then there is no doubt that children will be affected negatively. In a Psychology Today article written by Jann Gumbiner, titled Divorce Hurts Children, Even Grown Ones, she talks about how there is no such thing as a good divorce; however, the problem with her statement is that divorce she described was bad divorce about her parents that transpired back in the 70s, a time when divorces were not as common. Because of this Jann Gumbiner’s experience and situation concerning the divorce of her parents might have been different if the divorce had taken place in today’s time period where divorces are more common. The divorce of her parents caused lifelong effects that affected her as a child, affected her marriage, and still continues to affect her and because of these lifelong effects Jann Gumbiner believe that there is no such thing a good divorce. This article is credible source because Jann Gumbiner was telling her story and her thoughts about it, she is a credible source because she is a licensed psychologist and clinical professor at the University of California, where she specialized in adolescent and child development, despite the fact that she does not list any resources as a reference. Jann Gumbiner is describing how divorce was harmful to her as a child and how it can be harmful to other children.

The research article The Effects of Divorce on Children, describes how divorces are inherently harmful to children. This article talks about how the relationship within the family that the child had become strained and how family members were not as close to each other as they used to be. Some of the effects of children of several divorces are that their emotional state had been negatively influenced, meaning they were not as cheerful nor happy as they used to be, these children had become more bitter towards their parents, they were falling in the performance in school, and their behavior towards other had become intimidating. All of these are true possible effects that children can go through in a bad divorce. If these children had gone through a good divorce, then they would have understood the situation more and may not have been as negatively affected. This article is a credible source because it cited several references that can be looked at and supports the content written.

Not all divorces are bad, there are many cases where parents go through a good divorce and the children are not negatively affected as much compared to if they had experienced a bad divorce. In a Huffington post article by Brette Sember, titled Why a Good Divorce Is Better Than a Bad Marriage for Kids, several points are stated explaining why getting a divorce and resolving the issues in that situation is better than having the kids experience a life of arguments, constant fighting, unstable security in their own homes.  Even though divorces are hard for children, because they don’t want to deal with a new lifestyle or the separation of their parents, it is much better than living in a home filled with tension and unstable emotions for most of their childhood. The article stated that parents sometimes stay married for the sake of their kids and will get a divorce once their kids reach adulthood; however, this is not the best decision regarding the sake of the entire family. When parents get a divorce it is because they are unhappy with each other, and staying together for the sake of their children, while sweet and thoughtful, is not fare to their children and to themselves. It is important that children learn to be happy in life and to be true to themselves, even if it means difficult decisions have to be made. This is a credible source because Brette Sember is an experienced author, freelancer, ghostwriter, book coach, editor, blogger, indexer, content provider, social media specialist, consultant and editor who can be looked up online to see if she is qualified to make such statements that she wrote in the article, despite the fact that no resources were referenced.

Despite the fact that many children are negatively affected by their parents’ divorce it is still possible to raise happy children.  In other a Psychology Today article written by Wendy Paris, titled Yes, You Can Raise Happy Children After Divorce, the author lists ways that parents can help their children through divorces so that they can still have a happy childhood. Paris Wendy talks going through a divorce and wondering how her child will be affected by this. She talked about how children of divorced couples still do generally well in everyday life and in school, and she even lists several ways and principles to keep a child happy in a divorce. This usually includes making sure the children keep a good relationship with both parents, both parents lead structurally stable lives after the divorce, and the children are receiving the basic requirements needed such as love, food, shelter, and good health. This article is a credible source because in the writing Wendy Paris talked about a meta-study by Cambridge University professor Michael Lamb, talks about other research results to support her argument, and exemplifies that children can come through a divorce without serious consequences.

After reading all these articles on divorce I argue that the children of divorced couples can come through a divorce without serious consequences. I believe this because I am one of these children. My parents got divorced when I wasn’t even six years old and I have been raised by my mom, though I have kept in contact with my dad. My mom did everything to make sure my sister and I grew up to be happy and to be great individuals as well. I still wonder what my life might have been like if my parents had stayed together, but currently I am happy with my life, how my sister and I turned out to be, and grateful to my mom.
Works Cited

Gumbiner, Jann. “Divorce Hurts Children, Even Grown Ones.” Psychology Today. N.p., 31 Oct. 2011. Web. 01 Apr. 2017. <https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-teenage-mind/201110/divorce-hurts-children-even-grown-ones&gt;.

“An Overview of the Psychological Literature on the Effects of Divorce on Children.” Pardon Our Interruption. N.p., May 2004. Web. 01 Apr. 2017. <http://www.apa.org/about/gr/issues/cyf/divorce.aspx&gt;.

Paris, Wendy. “Yes, You Can Raise Happy Children After Divorce.” Psychology Today. N.p., 17 Mar. 2015. Web. 01 Apr. 2017. <https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/splitopia/201503/yes-you-can-raise-happy-children-after-divorce&gt;.

Sember, Brette. “Why a Good Divorce Is Better Than a Bad Marriage for Kids.” The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 24 Mar. 2015. Web. 01 Apr. 2017. <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brette-sember/why-a-good-divorce-is-better-than-a-bad-marriage-for-kids_b_6925236.html&gt;.

When it comes to the topic of divorce there are many opinions on what the repercussions of the situation can be on the kids involved. Divorce is a very common topic in many American households in this time period because it has become more socially acceptable.  I think society has become more open minded as time  has progressed which has caused families to see divorce as an everyday thing. In many families; such as in minority families, the topic of divorce is very controversial because family ties and reputation is very important. Marriage in Latino communities for example is highly tied with God and religion therefore making it harder to approve of divorce. I think that Americans are more likely to consider divorce because they have a more liberal mentality than compared to minorities, in my opinion. Today I found 4 different online sources that talk about this controversial topic and differ on the idea of what the divorce consequences are.

In a college study that took place in Bridgewater State University , the student talked about the effects of divorce on academics. Based on this source I discovered that divorce leads many children to face depression while the divorce process is taking place which in turn causes a detrimental decline in their focus on their education. This source mentioned how the behaviors of the parents affected the actions of the children during childhood and how it could continue on into their adulthood. This source also used a lot of quotations from different scientific studies to back up their data. Another point mentioned here was that the emotions and behavior of the children are highly tied with how strong their relationship is with their parents. Another source that talked about the negavtive effects of divorce was one from public.iastate.edu. This source mentioned that one of the major effects of divorce is the pressure that it places on children to decide which parent they want to have their custody. It mentioned how the limited amount of time spent with the parents drastically effects the ties  between parent and child relations. This post mentioned that children that go through divorce are more likely to develope social problems and have a harder time maintaining intimate relationships due to what they experienced at home. These two sources both urge that divorce is highly detrimental to the behavior and state of emotion of children that experience custody battles and the unhealthy pressures of divorce. I think these two sources are credible because they back their statements with many research papers, books, and journals. They base their ideas around primary sources that present the effects of divorce.

On the contrary, their are many people that believe that divorce does not have a long-term effect on children. A source that backs this up is an article from Scientific America titled, ” Is divorce bad for children?” The main topic behind this article is that children only undergo a short-term effect when presented with a divorce. This article backs this idea up with the 2002 study from psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington suggesting that the negative reactions to the divorce often diminish after the second year. This article suggests that with discipline and adjustment these children can become well adjusted adults later on. A second source supporting the idea that children can endure the effects of divorce is one from Kidshealth.org. This article claims that having a routine and adjusting to a new living environment right away can properly help kids understand the situation they are in which makes it easier for them to adjust. This article mentions that encouragement, support, and consistency help children cope with the idea of a loss of union in the family. Even though these two sources take an opposite stance on the controversy of divorce they are credible as well. These sources are credible because they use back up support from many psychologists, research, and online organizations that deal with helping families with divorce.

When presented with these two different views I think that I agree that divorce can be very harming to children. I can take this from personal experience. Many times my parents have had conflicts and many times I have been scared of them getting a divorce. I think that if my parents were to get a divorce I would greatly be affected emotionally, mentally, and academically because the bond that I have with both parents would be broken and I would be exposed to a negative view on marriage that could possibly later on take a toll on my investment with relationships.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/

http://m.kidshealth.org/en/parents/help-child-divorce.html?WT.ac=

Odenweller, Bri any. (2014). Does Parental Divorce Have an A ect on a Child’s Education?. In BSU Honors Program eses and Projects. Item 48. Available at: h p://vc.bridgew.edu/honors_proj/48 Copyright © 2014 Bri any Odenweller

http://www.public.iastate.edu/~rhetoric/105H16/cova/jlscova.html